I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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