so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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