so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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