a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
