she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
