After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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