We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Houston, we have a blender
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
