dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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