I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
