a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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