mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
