porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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