Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
