Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
