does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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