Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
