Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
