so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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