Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
