How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
