This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
