I bet he comes in French.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
