just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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