I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
