GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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