We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
