its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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