I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
