after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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