Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
