I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
