Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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