I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
