Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
