it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
