Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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