dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
