I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She bit a glass in half.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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