Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
