you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im part way to drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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