a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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