I have demons in me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
