She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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