The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
