my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
