I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
