Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
