Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
