Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
