We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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