I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
