yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
